Divorcing the Truth from the Lies: Speaking Plainly about Pain and Loss

Victor & Angela Chininin Buele

There is no winner in a divorce.  It does not matter if you walk away feeling victorious or relieved.  It does not matter if you profited from the legal division of assets.  It does not matter if you say it was an amicable arrangement. Something went wrong. The promise of the marriage was broken.  Faithfulness was betrayed.  It does not matter what kind of self-justifying arguments may prop up one’s own banner. There will be regret, disappointment, and/or sadness when what was hoped for on the wedding day is given up as a lost cause. There is much to grieve.  There will be loneliness.  And divorce is ultimately impossibly hard to walk through alone because the union is not really over.  It is shattered.  But it is not over.  Birthday parties, weekend plans, graduation parties, monthly bills will bring back memories and also will necessitate interaction with the former spouse for as long as they both shall live.

You actually don’t even have to divorce someone to know the pain of a broken marriage.  When parents divorce, the children mourn the loss of the bond they once witnessed.  They miss the love between the people who love them most tenderly.  Because the nature of divorce is division, this tends to put great pressure (real or perceived) on children to split their previously fused paternal affections into two separate portions.  This is both exhausting and discouraging for kids.  We personally know this battle as our families have been affected by divorce.  This profound impact still has consequences for us today.

Similar to the power of the bond of marriage, the life of an unborn baby naturally brings about a new course of action for both the child and the parents.  There are very real physical, emotional, and social changes brought about by the tiny individual that is bonded so intimately with his or her mother from the very beginning.  Once a new life has begun, any action taken to end this marvelous bond, would result a separation much like the one caused by divorce.  Rejection and loneliness.  Tears.  You may never talk about it again, and you may use busyness and a thousand things to quiet your conscience, but you will always know.

Key Question: Is it possible to undo a mistake?

Unshakable Truth/The Real Choice: “I will not leave you or forsake you” (Joshua 1:5b).

There is a real choice set before you.  Will you choose to remain lonely?  Whether divorce or abortion have torn you apart, there is one way to be able to say with confidence that you are not alone.  And that choice has its root in this beautiful promise made by the LORD God to Joshua as he was taking over the leadership of the people of God.  “Just as I was with Moses,” said the LORD to Joshua, “so I will be with you.  I will not leave you or forsake you.”  And He commands this man to be strong and courageous because choosing to be with God requires great trust in His power and love, in His faithfulness to keep His promises.  In God there is real forgiveness and restoration.  In Him, you will not be alone.  Will you choose the way that will lead to further loneliness, or will you turn to God?  We mourn for you.  We mourn with you.  We care for you.  We want you to experience restoration, forgiveness, and true peace (Romans 5:1-5).  Come and welcome to Jesus Christ! as one of the puritans once said.

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