All of Life. Happily. Under the Sovereign.

Angela Chininin Buele

Most people don’t know that I used to be pro-abortion. Actually, I was more than politically in favor of abortion; I could have been the poster child for what seems to be “right” about the movement. You see, I was raped and scared that I might be pregnant. So I found myself desperate to undo what had been done to me without anyone knowing. Because I knew that a pregnant woman whose abdomen sustained trauma could miscarry, I decided to punch myself in the stomach in order to make sure I would never suffer the humiliation or shame and blame on the outside that was already quite familiar within me.

How, you might ask, can I now stand against abortion, when I clearly know what it is like to feel the need for relief from such a frightful situation? I have to say that it’s quite simple and a little complicated at the same time. The truth is that I was driven completely by fear of what others would say. I didn’t think about gathering medical facts or imagine what life might be like with a child. I didn’t get feedback from family and friends or call a help line for a confidential listening ear. I didn’t stake my claim and charge toward it. I had a knee-jerk reaction that I hoped would make my life all OK. After all, it seemed to be an unspoken protocol: “You are going to be in SO MUCH TROUBLE if anyone finds out.” I was sure I would lose everything if my dirty little secret got out, so I decided that my choice was whatever would make me feel safe in the opinion of others.

In light of that framework for decision-making, I wonder if there are others like me out there who would like to be a whistle-blower to the “choice” women are told is theirs in seeking abortion. I know I was knocking on that door, not because I didn’t want a baby to ruin my life, but because I was sure that most people would lay eyes on us both and scorn me as a failure for having let myself get there. Am I the only one who wants to know: “Where is the empowerment in that one-way street?”

I suppose that’s the long and short of it. I wanted people to like me, and I had learned enough to know people didn’t like people like me having babies. But, in all fairness, the complicated side of the story is in the medical ignorance under that cloak of social approval. I was ignorant of the timeline of human development, so I don’t know if my self-preservation would indeed have prevailed over the biological facts, had I been aware of them. I believe it’s best not to speculate about that point and instead suffice it to say that someone with such high levels of anxiety and such low levels of information as I had, is neither prepared nor empowered to do much of anything to bring peace through secrecy.

Pro-abortion and pro-choice must not be considered synonyms. What we call pro-choice today really is not about offering real choices at all. Let me explain. I was a 10-year-old girl who thought she was pregnant, even though I hadn’t been raped since I was 5. Yet, somehow, without any direct coaching, I believed I knew how to self-abort, without knowing anything about any other choices or resources. Or the fact that I couldn’t even be pregnant given that time lapse. This is why calling the culture of abortion “pro-choice” is not fitting. Abortion gives women one choice. Life gives women multiple choices. Parenting, closed adoption, and open adoption are the first three that come to mind. Gratitude, challenge, and love are three more choices that can fill a heart. No curette or suction tube ever did anything except leave a woman empty. Is that really the choice that is best for women? Emptiness? I should think not. This is why being pro-life is the only place a woman can be empowered to see the victory at the finish line.

Key Question: Don’t women who have been victims of a crime deserve to have freedom from carrying a child conceived from rape?

Unshakable Truth: “…for God sent me before you to preserve life.” Genesis 45:5b

Joseph was left for dead, sold as a slave, then falsely accused of rape, and imprisoned falsely for years. In the end, he saw that God brought about the rescue of people through that chain of events, and he didn’t begrudge his attacker-brothers or God Himself for his suffering. He was glad to see good result from his suffering.

The Real Choice: Am I eager to bless others or only myself?

Angela Chininin Buele

I have a confession to make: In general, open letters annoy me. I haven’t read more than a few of them, but the ones I have read have been passive-aggressive and more like gossip-fodder than a genuine transfer of honest communication. Again, this is a general assessment of a limited sampling of what is a new (to me) phenomenon.

So, seeking to be a true activist, I will have to step past frustration and into transformation. Instead of insults and snarky accusations, this letter will need to be compassionate and personal. If that turns some away, I won’t be offended. But I do hope you will read on and take a moment to hear a cool and fresh perspective on the familiar, sizzling topic.

An Open Letter to Abortion-Rights Advocates

Have you ever felt tired of fighting? I have. But then, did the idea of “the other side” winning – or even “gaining ground”- get you charged up to get in a few more punches? Yeah, me, too. There have been days when I have actually believed that people on the other side of the fence were intent on seeing people suffer. But I’ve been thinking that probably isn’t the case.

I think there are quite a few pro-choicers who simply want to see women happy and healthy, and they might get aggravated, or even angry, when someone stands in the way of a woman and the thing she believes will make her happy and healthy. If that describes you, I’m really glad you are taking a few minutes to read this letter. I think your determination to persevere through resistance for the sake of another person is an admirable quality. I also would like to say that the passion we each have for our side of this issue is more alike than it is different. There is someone out there that needs help, and we have each thrown all of our respective efforts behind one response to the crisis.

You are a person – unique, ambitious, and hopeful. Those qualities describe me as well. You are my neighbor, not my rival, not my archenemy, and not the thorn in my side. You are loved by a lot of people you already know about and by some you may not have ever met – like me. I don’t want to see you hurt or defeated. I want you to be blessed, not just today or in this life, but blessed for all of time (Luke 6:28, Romans 12:14, 1 Peter 3:9).

Based on our common vision for the well-being of other people, drive to see our visions realized, and willingness to plead our cases, we would probably be good friends – if it weren’t for the tension. Am I wrong when I say that this is probably the breakdown point of communication and interaction between our two camps? This tension, once discovered, can burn bridges and build walls, can’t it? Maybe you once assumed that the reason you got along so well with someone was because they held the same position, but then you found out you were completely wrong. It might have felt like a betrayal or at least a shock. It likely changed your opinion of and/or your interactions with the other person. I’ve been there, too.

Can we agree that hating each other is not a productive solution? May I challenge you to see that tolerance alone isn’t the answer either? Really. When we tolerate something or someone, we do not celebrate it. Instead, we allow, we survive, and we surrender to something unpleasant. So, no, my desire is not to simply tolerate your different passion, but I earnestly want to love you as I love myself, as I love my dearest friends and family, and as I love the tiny unnamed babies that are killed by abortion. And love, just to be clear, is not blind affirmation, but the investment of one soul in another to see the beauty of a full life developed through growth in good times and trials. The love of which I speak would hopefully make you feel good, but it is in no way driven by whether or not you feel good. Its beginning, middle, and end are the pure and perfect will of God for your life – that you would be amazed by no one and no thing other than the Savior, Jesus Christ. There is no greater joy. There is no greater love.

There you have it. I have betrayed my complete motive. You can now choose to check out and nestle down into your own homogeneously-tailored newsfeed, or you can tag along with me for the next 40 days while I pray for you and all pro-abortion rights advocates. Whatever your choice, please remember that I do not hate you, and I do not wish to simply tolerate you. I want to fully love you, and I would like to call you my friend.